Killer Inside Me

You've probably seen me hanging around

I'm a very familiar face in this town.

A day doesn't go by that I don't meet

a lot of my friends walking down the street.

I'm never too busy to stop by the way

and I've always got something pleasant to say.

Maybe some perceptive thoughts about the weather

or the latest news from Wall Street, whatever.

I could stand around all day making small talk

gushing platitudes, blocking the sidewalk

tying people up for hours with ease,

my one big talent is shooting the breeze.

When they start to squirm, I really get going

but only my happy-face smile is showing.

Why can't they see what I'm trying to hide,

I'm bustin' a gut, laughing on the inside.

It's in their smile when I say hello

I can see they think I'm a little bit slow.

But after a while with me, they look dazed

their eyes covered with a donut glaze.

I really start to cook when I see that look

I hit 'em with every cliché in the book.

Their knees wobble and they start to weave

it's like they're begging for permission to leave,

they think they are having a brush with stupidity

I don't laugh, even though it's killing me.

Watching them wilt like day-old flowers

Ticking off the minutes as they turn to hours.

They are wondering how much more they can take

I give 'em a friendly smile and a handshake.

We say goodbye very politely

Now say hello to the killer inside me



Now say hello to the killer inside me.

Everybody has their doubts about my sanity

But nothing happens 'cause they all feel sorry for me

I've got the whole town under my thumb

and all I've gotta do is keep acting dumb.

"Oh that boy Lou" they say "what a guy,

a little on the slow side but wouldn't hurt a fly"

"and such a gentleman!" "Oh yes I know.

he sure can talk your ear off though!"

I tip my hat and pretend I don't hear

grinning like a half-wit from ear to ear

I can think of a thousand ways to say hello

so I start through 'em all, and go real slow.

They listen hard, and act like they care.

How can they be so completely unaware

of the truth the answer is always denied me

So I introduce them to the killer inside me.